Strengthening Your Relationship Abroad with the ARV Model
Living abroad as a couple is an incredible opportunity to grow together, but it also comes with its share of challenges. Whether you’re navigating parenthood in a foreign country, balancing two different cultural identities, or facing conflicts rooted in cultural misunderstandings, the journey can sometimes feel overwhelming.
But here’s the thing: these challenges are also opportunities. They can help you learn more about yourselves, each other, and the relationship you’re building. The ARV Model—Adaptability, Resilience, and Vulnerability—offers a guide to navigate these complexities as a team, transforming conflict and uncertainty into growth and connection.
Adaptability as a Couple
Adjusting to a new environment is rarely seamless, but doing it together can make the process not only easier but more meaningful.
When my husband and I started building a life together abroad, it wasn’t just about navigating a foreign culture—it was also about blending his Mexican traditions with my Belgian habits, while living in the US. I come from a small family where gatherings are intimate and relatively quiet, so being introduced to his family’s lively celebrations—with over 100 cousins at a single party—was a big adjustment. Mexican parties are famously loud and full of energy, and while it was overwhelming at first, I grew to love the joy and connection they brought. Together, we found ways to bring that same energy into our smaller gatherings while respecting both of our backgrounds.
Ways to Practice Adaptability as a Couple:
Celebrate Wins: Small victories, like finding ways to honor traditions from both sides, deserve recognition.
Create Shared Rituals: Blend traditions, like incorporating lively music or shared meals into smaller gatherings that reflect both your cultural styles.
Stay Flexible: Recognize that adapting to each other’s family dynamics is an ongoing process, and it’s okay to take things step by step.
The Outcome: You’ll grow as a team, strengthening your partnership through collaboration and shared wins while honoring each other’s cultural roots.
Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Resilience as a Couple
Life abroad can test your patience, emotions, and sometimes even your bond. Building resilience together means creating a foundation of trust and strength that can withstand these tests.
During the early days of parenting in a foreign country, there were countless moments of frustration—like trying to decipher hospital procedures in a new language or figuring out how to explain unfamiliar baby products to staff at local stores. One particularly exhausting day, my partner and I ended up in a heated argument over something trivial, only to realize we were both just overwhelmed. By creating space to talk through those emotions and leaning on each other, we built a sense of resilience that made even the hard days feel manageable.
Ways to Build Resilience Together:
Talk It Out: Create space for honest conversations about what’s hard without trying to fix it immediately.
Develop Shared Coping Strategies: Whether it’s taking a walk together after a hard day or scheduling weekly check-ins, find what grounds you as a couple.
Appreciate Each Other’s Strengths: Acknowledge how your partner contributes to the relationship, especially during tough times.
The Outcome: You’ll face challenges with greater stability and trust, knowing you’re tackling them as a team.
Vulnerability as a Couple
Vulnerability is the foundation of emotional intimacy. Living abroad creates plenty of moments where opening up feels risky, but those moments are often where connection grows strongest.
For us, one of the hardest but most rewarding lessons came from acknowledging our fears around parenting abroad. I worried about being judged for not following local norms, while my partner struggled with letting go of traditions they had grown up with. Talking openly about these fears and finding compromises brought us closer, even as we navigated unfamiliar territory together.
Ways to Foster Vulnerability Together:
Express Your Needs: Be honest about what you need from your partner, whether it’s reassurance, a moment to yourself, or a shared decision.
Navigate Cultural Differences Openly: If cultural clashes cause tension, talk about them. Sometimes what seems like conflict is just misunderstanding.
Engage in Your Community: Join local groups, attend events, or volunteer together. Building connections outside your relationship can strengthen the bond within it.
The Outcome: Vulnerability helps you build a deeper emotional connection, creating a safe space where both partners feel seen and valued.
Integration as a Couple
When you practice adaptability, resilience, and vulnerability together, the result is integration—not just as individuals but as a couple.
Integration means:
Finding Alignment: Creating shared goals while respecting each other’s individuality.
Building a Shared Life: Blending your cultures and the one you’re living in into a home that feels authentic to both of you.
Growing Closer: Strengthening your relationship through mutual support, understanding, and love.
Living abroad as a couple isn’t always easy, but it’s one of the most profound opportunities to grow together. By approaching the journey with curiosity, compassion, and openness, you’ll build a partnership that thrives no matter where in the world you are.